They Might Be Giants
On a Sunday afternoon when I was 15 years old, I watched They Might Be Giants on KVOS. In this movie, a psychologist named Dr. Watson accompanies a retired judge acting as Sherlock Holmes on his hunt for Professor Moriarity:"He's the greatest enemy man could have -- he's everywhere! Here, look: 'Girl scout killed crossing street', 'Grandmother raped and beaten', 'Orphanage in flames, 5 die', 'Excursion boat explodes'. Who -- who does these things? Who is responsible?"
On that day I decided it was my favourite movie.
Over four years later, I came upon a copy of They Might Be Giants. I was afraid to watch it again, scared that I might now find it unexceptional -- thereby invalidating the most passionate convictions I held not only about movies, but about everything that was important to me. I put off watching it for several weeks, never confident that I was in the right mood to see it again. When I did finally watch it, I enjoyed it even more than the first time -- in part because of all my doubts.
Meditation: "Melt My Heart"
You look at me. You do not melt me; you strengthen me. I am rigid. However, I am not lifeless. I am startled. I stopped myself in this moment. I had seen you before, but never looked. I was not prepared to be overwhelmed by emotion. I am full of expectation, but what I expect I don't imagine. My mind is filled only with what I see, only your eyes. My body urges me to move closer to you. I am coming to you, my love! But I have paused, just for a moment. I wax this moment into an eternity. I live forever, without food or water, in your eyes.
On the Equality of People
It is dangerous to confuse society's beliefs with one's own. The opinions a society should hold in its official capacity should sometimes be, as in the case of the Equality of People, contrary to the the individual's.
Society should believe that everyone is equal. But to do so disregards individuality. Even "different but equal" puts everyone in the same category. Individuals should not do this. To consider everyone equal is to assign some value to them -- but that it is all. It is as if saying everyone is worth 1,000,000. It is meaningless, except to know that everyone is greater than nothing. We could be large when compared to 10, or small when compared to one trillion. If a person considers everyone equal, he does not distinguish himself. By adopting society's opinions he sacrifices his own, and diminishes his individuality.
To be a strong individual, to hold unique opinions, one must be unfair and unjust from the perspective of society. To admire someone, or to consider someone a friend, is meaningless, unless you value that person more than average. You must be able to compare that person to others and say, "I value him more; he is more important" -- exactly what society must not say. To society, all people are equal; but can you tell that to the woman you love?
One must believe that some people are worth more than others. This is not to pass judgment on their inherent value, but their value to oneself. Which is more important? I like to think they're not equal, that my opinion matters more.
On Drs. House
Just as House is a real approximation of a pure ideal, so his mate must be introduced, equally flawed but equally perfect. He reacts to her presence by clinging to his unreal, idealized perception of himself and reality. Focusing on her flaws, he rejects her because he sees that admitting her as an equal would introduce imperfections into his perception and corrupt his ideal. He eventually realizes that his ideal is already tainted since he is equally as flawed as her. He can now accept her, and is poised to profess his love. But he is too late to realize love: she is gone.
Only in accepting his imperfection does he gain impetus for self-change. Misanthropy yields to happiness. He is not aware of it, but he is only now becoming a man she would love.
Mr. Kamin
He taught the curriculum well. But he taught life even better. He respected our intelligence and common sense, and skipped over familiar phrases such as "don't drink and drive" to teach us valuable lessons as only Mr. Kamin could.
He knew that when we enrolled in 'Principles of Mathematics 12 Enriched', that was what we expected to get. He delivered on 'Principles of Mathematics 12', each class hoisting the triangle of whiteboard, marker, and graph paper by their centroid, the pertinent example. With this unstoppable force Mr. Kamin crushed misconceptions and common fallacies and conquered a new facet of our course with characteristic efficiency and well-timed humour. Under his leadership every topic to be covered became a battle to be fought: solving equations against extraneous roots, inverse and reciprocal functions against bad notation, justifying our answer against illegible handwriting. When we left the classroom the ink of victory was fresh on our pages.
But when he covered the 'Enriched' part of our course we got more than we signed up for. In the intervals of fighting collectively for The Correct Answer, he engaged us in a subtler but more important mission: to seek out individually Our Best Answer, to discover what was most valuable to each of us, personally. Year after year problem solving had been taken out of the course and replaced by reinforcements of modern society's view of standardized tests, that smiles on our faces should come not from what we wrote on our exam, but from the number somebody else wrote on top. As children of this era, we entered Mr. Kamin's classroom with the knowledge that to society, in a sense, the closer this fractional number was to 1, the closer we were to being a whole person. As with all other logical and sincerely-formed ideas, Mr. Kamin did not denounce this knowledge. "I know you care about marks," he would say, "you want to get into university." But he explored alternative perspectives and, by example, taught us to do so as well. "Why should you write math contests?" he would ask us. As with all questions he asked, we relied on Mr. Kamin to give us the answer. "It looks good on your application," he reminded us, as a prelude to his true response: "Because you're supposed to enjoy problem solving, this is Math 12 Enriched. It's good for you!" He didn't use more words to fortify his position. The decision to accept his first reason, his second, or our own, was left up to each one of us. But through his impressive command of voice and relaxed but firm posture, we saw that we couldn't go wrong in following his lead.
In this way Mr. Kamin taught us to always obey the rules, but when we got the chance, we should consider their merit. Guided by this simple mantra we would always succeed, and never stray too far down the wrong path.
Emotional ends are always achieved indirectly
If you had the choice, would you choose $2.50 or happiness?
I bet you're thinking about it.
Ayn Rand, are you real?
"I often think that he's the only one of us who's achieved immortality. I don't mean in the sense of fame and I don't mean that he won't die some day. But he's living it. I think he is what the conception really means. You know how people long to be eternal. But they die with every day that passes. When you meet them, they're not what you met last. In any given hour, they kill some part of themselves. They change, they deny, they contradict--and they call it growth. At the end there's nothing left nothing unreversed or unbetrayed; as if there had never been an entity, only a succession of adjectives fading in and out on an unformed mass. How do they expect a permanence which they have never held for a single moment? But Howard--one can imagine him existing forever."
I know she's not correct. Having finished writing a book, she should not have published it if she was following her own beliefs correctly. An egoist has no use for anything once she has appreciated it.
It is impossible to be immortal as Rand describes it. Change is inevitable, and I appreciate that. I also appreciate Rand's ideal of her immortal man. But even more I appreciate that she believes her ideal is possible. It is easy to be confident when you're right, but when you're wrong it should be embarrassing. I appreciate that she believes in herself so fiercely that I can't decide if she's beast, or humiliating herself.
Probably she's both. What difference does it make to her if she's not really correct, when in her mind she is? Why make the effort to be right when you can just believe you're right?
Even though she doesn't succeed, Rand still needs the effort. I can tell you how you're wrong, but I can't tell you how you're happy, or how you're sad, or how you feel emotion. How can you expect me to give the real answers? It's our fault for believing they're there. But don't stop.
"Have you always liked being Howard Roark?"
Roark smiled. The smile was amused, astonished, involuntarily contemptuous.
YOU Decide!
Today, I care what you think. More specifically, I was considering dictatorial ideology and decided to do a History Lab. I care to see voters' reactions to an election with a result out of their control.
Anyone who didn't understand that: you have four choices. The question: What should my year-book write-up be?
- "The best things in life are free." I had a great five years, and I'll treasure the friendships and the memories. Thanks to everyone who was there for me, especially my dad. You're an inspiration!
- Five years of English essays have reached their climax in a year-book write-up. The introduction: Hey dude, I'm Steven. The body: I've had a great time. The conclusion: just kidding! Life has only begun.
- Remember that time I was wrong? Neither do I.
- Make it a surprise!
How yuppies stuff themselves without eating, or inventing a time-saving-money-boosting nutrition pill
When I visited Harvard University in July with my Dad, we met a man and his wife and their son, who were also from out of town. The man said to my Dad, "Does your son have the same dream that my son has: to go to Harvard?" His son was in the ninth grade.
I quickly came to realize that schools like Harvard and Yale provide a superficial stuffing of the mind and soul for the intellectually and emotionally challenged, carrying on an instruction that begins even long before the ninth grade. (The philosopher can truly fill his mind, and stuff his soul himself; the artist can truly fill his soul, and does not care about his mind.) These schools teach yuppies to be leaders in their profession and in their community, in a passing on from generation to generation of unfounded yuppie self-confidence.
I don't want my school to lead me. I want to lead myself, and a life of love. I want my school to provide an environment where I can whet and satisfy my appetite, love, and feel loved. While the aged can offer knowledge and perspectives new to me, I will ever only have one instructor: Me.
